Morning!
by JustAnotherRandomWriter
Summary: Altair and Ezio find themselves in someones living room...Ezio is tormented by an alarm clock, and Altair is mocked by a freezer.  Please R&R, this will just be a bunch of one-shots, introducing the Assassins slowly to the modern world
1. Chapter 1

"What the hell is that?" Screamed Ezio, jumping onto Altair's back as the beeping noise rang again and again and again. Cursing, Altair wind milled to keep his balance, one arm knocking a clear vase he had been examining to the floor. It shattered into shards of glass.

"Idiot!" Spat Altair, shoving Ezio off him and kneeling to examine the shards of glass. "Look what you've made me do?"

"But what was that noise?" Exclaimed the Italian, looking about frantically as the noise continued.

"Probably nothing now shut up!"

"I'll find, I swear I will!" Ezio said, unsheathing his hidden blades.

"No, you won't!" Snapped the Arabian, getting up and hitting Ezio over the head. "Now, I will ask you one more time to shut up, and help me find out where we are. If you don't, I will find the beeping noise, and tie it to your head!" Then he whirled around and marched out of the strange room with its fabric like floor, and into the wide white one.

He staggered back a moment, blinking to get used to the unnatural light. Slowly, he crept around the room, looking along the strange white counters and sniffing. What was that smell? It smelled sort of like, coffee... yet it was different. There was a click, and a whirring noise.

"Ha!" Shouted Altair, spinning about and slamming his wrist blade into a strange tall metal pillar.

"I'll pretend like I didn't see that." Came the smirking Italian's voice from behind him. Teeth gritted together, Altair withdrew his knife, and turned, pointing his dagger tip at Ezio, and preparing to leap at him. But he stopped.

"Ezio…" he said quietly. "Turn around." The smile slipped off the Italian's face.

"Borgia?" he whispered.

"No." Altair said, shaking his head slightly, but still keeping his eyes fixed on something behind Ezio. "Not even close." His curiosity aroused, Ezio turned, and blinked. Walking, or rather stumbling, about the room, was a woman. She was wearing rather baggy pants, and a loose shirt. Her hair was mused and her hand was tangled in it, scratching her head. Yawning, the women, who were a brunette, shoved pass the tall Italian Assassin, and then bumped into Altair.

"Scuse me." She mumbled her eyes half closed.

"You're excused?" Said Altair, shrugging and stepping aside. The women that walked over to the counter that stood next to the metal machine that Altair had stabbed, in 'self defense'. Once there, she opened a cabinet, pulled out a mug, and then lifted the lid on another container. Altair sniffed again. Yeup, defiantly coffee.

The women, yawning again, poured the black liquid into the mug, turned about, and lifted the mug to her lips, sipping. Then she looked up, and her eyes snapped open. Altair winced as she dropped the mug.


	2. Chapter 2

"Yes! I found it!" Came Ezio's shout from up the stairs. Altair rolled his eyes as he carefully stepped over the unconscious form on the kitchen floor. Once more he moved into the carpeted room and looked up as Ezio leapt down the stairs, one hand held high above his head.

"I found the bastard!" he said triumphantly, shaking what looked to be a rectangular black box. Four green numbers were flashing on it. With a gleam in his eye, Ezio threw it up and unsheathed his wrist blade, skewering the thing. Immediately, the numbers disappeared, and the beeping stopped.

"Oh, at last!" he sighed, shaking the box off his blade and collapsing into one of the large comfy chairs. Again, Altair rolled his eyes. The Italian was so easily wound up.

"Anything else you would like to break?" he said, voice dripping with sarcasm as he spread his arms open, indicating the room around them. Ezio looked around as if taking his offer seriously.

"Hmm, that black wall thing could go..." He moved towards it, but Altair grabbed his wrist.

"Knock it off Ezio, lets find something to eat." He said shortly. Grumbling, Ezio followed him back into the white room. They casually walked over the senseless women on the floor, to where a large closet like thing stood. Altair opened it easily, and blinked.

"Finally, food!" Ezio exclaimed, pushing past the startled Altair and snatching up a small clear jar, filled with some sort of brown substance in it. Eagerly, he jumped up onto one of the counters, crossed his legs, and pulled the lib off. He sniffed the jar curiously, then ran a finger through it.

"What is it?" He mumbled, inspecting the blob of brown on his finger.

"Panoot booter…" Altair read off the side of the jar, narrowing his eyes. His reading had never been good. Ezio liked the 'panoot booter' off his finger.

"Not bad!" He said with a smirk, and dug his finger back into the jar, eating more of the strange stuff. Altair turned back to the pantry and pulled out some sort of long paper box. Along the side of it, Altair read allowed,

"Salatinys…" Shrugging, he tore open the box and jumped back as crackers flew everywhere.

"Ha, the fearless Assassin!" laughed Ezio, around a mouthful of panoot. A loud screaming beep rang from beside him and he yelped in alarm, falling off the counter and staining his robes with the contents of the jar. Altair's instincts kicked in and he leapt forward, knocking this new threat, a large white box with more flashing numbers, off the counter, picking it up and throwing it against a wall.

It fell with a smash and Altair flicked out his wrist blade, spinning about as if searching for another threat.

"What sorcery breeds here?" He growled. Ezio got up as well, a wary look in his eyes.

"O my god!' The Assassins spun about to see the women standing now, her face in her hands and staring at the mess of food and shards of plastic all over the floor.

"My kitchen!"

"You're what?"

"She sad her Kitten Altair,"

"No, I said, my KITCHEN! Who the hell are you?"

"AH, no body!" Ezio said, sheathing his wrist blades and putting them behind his back, smiling innocently. Altair wasn't as eager to hide his weaponry.  
>"You are the sorceress of this place!" He growled. "Why did you bring us here?"<p>

"Well, certainly not to trash my kitchen. What happened to my microwave! And do I even want to know why there's a hole in my fridge?"

"No?" Offered Ezio, rubbing panoot of his robes.

"Why are you covered in that?"

"What, Panoot booter? It's delicious!" Grinned the Italian.

"Its peanut butter, can you read?"

"No he can't." Altair cut in. "Now tell us, where are we?"


	3. Chapter 3

"So, you don't know why we are here?" Asked Altair. He was leaning in the door way to the kitchen, one hand pressed to his forehead. Ezio meanwhile, was sitting across from the women, whose name was jean, on the strange soft and long chairs. Jean told them they were called couches.

"No idea." Jean shook her head, still looking slightly panicked, and constantly looking back and forth between the two assassins, her knees hugged to her chest.

'Well," Ezio said standing. "That makes three of us, Madam Jean, could you please direct me to the area reserved for naps and sleep?"

"What?" Jean asked, still slightly in shock.

"Ezio, are you mad?" Hissed Altair, coming over to stand behind his companion. After glaring at Ezio, he turned his strange bronze colored eyes on Jean. "Ignore him, he is an imbecile." Then he hauled Ezio up by the front of his robes.

"First we must make sure this place is safe for us, and then you can snore to your hearts content.

"Fine fine, why so rough comrade?" Mumbled Ezio, pulling his robes free and marching away. Jean watched as he disappeared down the main entrance hallway, and then looked back to where Altair was, or where he had been. Instead, she caught the tip of his robes disappearing around a corner as he made his way up the stair case.

Ezio's POV-

With careful and silent steps, Ezio made his way down the hallway, looking all about himself in amazement. Pictures hung on the walls, but not ordinary pictures. No, these were to clear, to perfect, to shiny… He saw Jean in many of them, with what looked to be relatives, and horses? Shaking his head, he looked down to where a tall dark brown door that stood at the end of the hallway.

Slowly, he reached forward, taking in his hand a golden colored knob that stuck out from the door, and pulled. Nothing happened. Brow furrowed, he pulled again, harder this time, still no movement from the door, but a slight creak from the wood.

"Ya!" He roared, pulling as hard as he could. There was a loud protest from the door, then Ezio was tumbling head over heels backwards. Gracefully, he leapt back up to his feet, a fist clenched about the door knob. The door lurched slightly, then fell forward off its tortured and twisted hinges. Ezio walked into the door way, staring out at the great green landscape before him. Barely a hut or hovel in sight, let alone a canal. There were however, fences set up all over the fields before him, and in the confines of each one was a horse.

"Ezio!" Ezio flinched as he heard the shout from above him. "What was that?"

"Uh, the doors open!"

Altair's POV-

The steps were covered in 'carpet' and helped to muffle Altair's footsteps as he crept up them. His hidden blade was drawn and his eyes were ever searching. He had no idea if there was anyone else in this building, and if there were, then he might have to deal with them his way.

When he reached a strange landing, he faced three doors. One was ajar and was obviously the one Jean had come out of. Carefully, he opened a second. This room was dark, but Altair's well trained eyes could make out the same white floors and counters he had seen in the Kitchen.

In one there was a deep depression and above it was… A man dressed as himself! Silent as smoke, he leapt forward, slamming his wrist blade into the glass and giving a hoarse cry of alarm as the man shattered into shards of glass, cutting his hand. Cursing, he got to his feet, and spat on the shards of glass surrounding his feet and covering the floor.

When he entered the middle room again, he crept over to the third door, and kicked it in, sword drawn this time. Again, the room was pitch black. This on was wide and had cabinets and desks all over the place. After a careful search, Altair decided there was no one there. He was about to leave, when he heard a loud crashing smash from below.

"Ezio!" He barked, rolling his eyes. "What was that?"

"Uh, the doors open!" Came the muffled reply from below. Muttering, Altair began t make his way back down the stairs, pulling glass from his knuckles. He reached the room where Jean was still sitting, to find Ezio standing there as well.

"Altair!" He said, "This is a horse farm, we are on a horse farm in the middle of no where! No water or or, anything!" The Italian was in hysterics, at a loss without the comforting feeling of close buildings and busy streets.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hmm, a horse farm. Well, I've been in worse places." Grumbled Altair. Jean didn't know if to take offence of that or not, but then she saw Altair slid out his hidden blade and begin to scrape clean his finger nails, and decided to keep her mouth shut. Who were these two weirdoes? The one called Ezio was obviously Italian; his accent gave that away, but what about the other?

"Altair, we are in the middle of nowhere!" "Relax," Drawled the taller and obviously the elder of the two. "We will survive, or at least, I will. But we have to decide who is friend and who is foe." He turned his bronze eyes onto Jean, who was still staring in shock at the two men who had appeared in her house, not to mention trashed her kitchen, broken down her door, and destroyed a mirror by the sound of it.

"Wait, what?" She managed before Altair was suddenly in front of her, pulling her up by the front of her oversized shirt. She yelped in alarm as the silver blade pricked her throat.

"Who are you?" Demanded Altair, in a cold quiet menacing voice. Ezio put a hand on the tall Arabian's shoulder,

"Put her down comrade," He said in a serious tone. "She cannot harm us, even if she wanted to."

"I am not afraid of her harming us, but I am concerned that she will tell others that we are here!" Snapped Altair, shrugging Ezio off. "Now tell me, are you a templar?"

"What's a templar?" Whimpered Jean. "You mean like a knight, do I look like a knight?"

"You are lying!"

"No she isn't, feel her pulse!"

"Her what?"

"Her pulse, you know, her heart beat, it goes faster when she lies, and it does with everyone." Altair narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. Jean swallowed nervously as she felt the man's thumb slip down to a throbbing vein on the side of her neck.

"Its racing like a rabbit from a fox." snapped Altair. "There's no way to tell." Rolling his eyes and sighing, Ezio moved Altair's hand and pressed his own thumb to her neck.

"She's not lying." He said. "She's just scared."

"What does she have to be frightened of?" Demanded Altair, releasing Jean who immediately returned to her position on the couch.

"Seriously?" Ezio raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. He was about to say something else, when ringing sounded from the kitchen.

"NOOOO!" Shouted Ezio, pressing his hands to his ears and spinning in a sharp circle and looking around for the source of the sound. "HOW! I killed it! I watched it die!"

Jean had leapt from the couch and raced for the kitchen. Altair tried to run after her, but he collided with Ezio, and the two fell to the floor.

"Idiot, watch where you're going!"

"Its somewhere, I must find it!"

"Get off me!"

"Do you see it, do you hear it? Am I going mad?"

"Ezio, I swear, if you don't get off me, I will stab you in the leg!"

"I AM going mad!"

"Hello?"

The Assassins froze. The ringing had stopped. Jean was standing with her back to the struggling men, and was holding something black up to her ear. Altair pushed Ezio off with a snarl, barring his teeth and narrowing his eyes at his disgruntled descendent. Then he got to his feet, and crept to stand behind Jean. He whipped around and glared at Ezio when he heard s tinkling noise from behind. Ezio launched himself through the air and across the table to catch a tall thin glass vase that had begun to topple off the table, thanks to the roughhousing of the assassins.

He tumbled to the ground, and slammed into a couch. Swearing under his breath, he got to his feet, rubbing his back and shaking his head.

"Was it worth it?" Sneered Altair before turning back to Jean. Ezio scowled at him and set the vase back down before he came to join Altair. He attempted to rest his chin on Altair's shoulder, but recoiled after receiving a sharp punch to his face. Still scowling. Ezio took an exaggerated step back, and then tilted his head, listening to the conversation between Jean and the black thingy.

"Justin, I'm so sorry honey! Uh, I got a little distracted...I'll be right over, don't worry. Ok, tell the Hernandez's I'll be right there...Ok, Love you, I'll be there in a bit!" Then she lowered the black thing and dropped it on the counter top. Then, turning, she pushed past the assassins and raced for the main door.

"Where are you going?" Snapped Altair, moving to follow her.

"I have to pick up my son!" Called Jean, putting on a coat and some strange shoes. She grabbed a set of keys and turned around, brushing a strand of hair from out of her face. "Ill be right back, please, don't do anything!"

"Your not going anywhere!" Altair snarled. Jean stared in shock for a moment at the broken down door way, then ran out, jumping over the splintered wood. The Arabian leapt after her, sprinting to reach her. Jean was now opening a car door and seating herself in the driver's seat. Altair reached her just as she slammed the door and locked the car. He was about to try to pry open the door with a long sword he had drawn from his sheath, when Ezio slammed into him from behind.

"Is there anything you cannot screw up?" Roared Altair, preparing to leap at Ezio, when Jean hit the gas.

"What the hell?" The assassins both leaped away from the car as it roared into life, gravel spitting from beneath the tires as it went in reverse, careening out of the driveway and racing down the street.

Jean sighed with relief as she left her house, focusing on the road ahead as she drove to pick up her son. A though occurred to her then.

_Did I really just leave two psychotic men with swords at my house, alone?_


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh. My. God." Jean said under her breath, staring at what had once been her home. Her son, fourteen year old Justin, stood behind her, his mouth open in astonishment.

"Mom?" He said finally, dropping his backpack. "What's going on?"

"Uh, lets go inside," jean said nervously, beginning to walk forward. "There is something, I have to check on..." Justin followed his mom cautiously. His eyes roved over what had once been called his yard. There were all sorts of barn tools flung about on the ground and the old carriage had been turned on its side. One of the two front windows was smashed and the door to he house was lying on the front steps, door handle missing. But that wasn't all. The roof had patches of shingle missing and as Justin looked up, he thought he caught a glimpse of something white flashing by the chimney.

Inside the house:

"She's back!" called Ezio from down stairs. Altair quickly shut off the sink faucet he had been studying and dried his hands off on his robes as he turned to leap down the stairs. As he landed, he stood and quickly strode over to where Ezio was standing, breathing lightly.

"I was just on the roof, she just got back and she has a boy with her."

"How old?" demanded the Arabian abruptly, casting an eye over the mess they had made in the living room. Carpets had been torn up and a couch had been overturned in a 'dispute' between the two.

"Looked to be about fifteen, maybe fourteen." Ezio replied, moving towards the front door and carefully stepping over a shattered glass. "Shall we greet them?"

"No." Altair shook his head. "They can come here. She calms that he is her son, but he is of the age you claim, he should not have to hide behind his mother's skirts.

"She's wearing pants…," Ezio mumbled, but he shut up when Altair glared at him.

"We'll let them come in to the Kitten or whatever she called it, once in there we will jump them and find out about what is going on here."

Outside the house:

Jean carefully stepped into the house, looking about as she moved to the living room.

"Ezio?" She called, hopping to get the kinder stranger's attention and not the grouchy Arabian as she had come to think of him. There was no reply.

"Who is Ezio?" whispered Justin behind her as he looked about their trashed home. But Jean didn't answer. She had held up her hand for silence as she heard a sound from the kitchen. Carefully she walked in. She headed over to the pantry, which was swinging loosely on a hinge. Justin came up behind her, looking over her shoulder. He picked up the broken door of the microwave to use as an improvised weapon. That was when it happened.

Altair leapt from where he had been hiding behind the counter, tackling Justin and knocking him down. Jean turned around at the noise behind her. Her motherly instincts rose and she rushed at Altair, beating at him with her fists, all the while shouting at Justin to watch his language. Ezio then appeared form the pantry and pulled Jean off his companion.

"Please madam, calm down!" he said, raising his voice over the sound of the screaming mom and the cussing boy.

"Get him off my son!" Screamed Jean, kicking out with her legs and thrashing about. Sighing, Ezio picked her up by the elbows and dragged her out of the room, dropping her onto the couch and sitting beside her.

"Listen, Altair may seem like a bloodthirsty monster who can't tell friend from foe"

"I heard that!"

"But he isn't going to kill your boy, just talk to him."

"Ezio, get your lazy butt in here and find his pulse!"

"Is the great Altair asking for help?" Called the Italian sarcastically as he got to his feet.

"No!"

"Oh, right, he's demanding it." Ezio strolled into the kitchen, winking at Jean, as Altair swore loudly in Arabic and a crash came form the other room.


	6. Chapter 6

We are sorry about the state of your home." Apologized Ezio to the stunned Jean and the traumatized Justin. Altair snorted and his descendent glared at him. "We means you to Altair!" He hissed. Altair pointedly ignored him and stormed off down an unexplored hallway. Ezio watched him leave, before turning back to the two on the couch.

"Well, at least I am sorry." He offered.

"Who the hell are you guys?" Justin suddenly burst out. They were the first words he had said since Altair's attempt to find his pulse which had resulted in him nearly accidently strangling the kid. Well, at least he said it was accidently. Now, Justin was beginning to recover, even though he was a little bit hoarse.

"Well. My name is Ezio, and the grumpy tall pain in the a-"

"I heard that Auditore!"

"Oh, uh, the thing that walked out of here is Altair, my ancestor."

"Your ancestor?" Jean asked, confused.

"YEs, hard to explain, not going to attempt to, but main thing is, we don't belong here, and we don't know why we are here,"

"And we don't want to be here." Altair interjected from outside the room.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." Shrugged Ezio.

"Well, what are we supposed to do about that?" Justin demanded.

"Some real food would be nice!" came the Arabian's voice from the other room again.

"Shut up Altair!" Called Ezio. "Actually, it would be nice if we could just stay here awhile while we try to figure this out."

"Did you just tell ME to shut up?"

"Why should I let you stay here?" Jean got to her feet angrily and jabbed Ezio in the chest with her finger. "Huh? Why shouldn't I just throw you out?"

"Mom, we can't just throw them out..." Justin spoke up quietly.

"And why can't we?" Jean rounded on her son. "They not only trashed our house, but they attacked us!"

"That's just how we live." Altair said, walking back into the room and shoving Ezio aside. "We don't make assumptions."

"Mom, where're they gonna go?"

And that was when Jean caved. She was not one to throw people. Sighing, she relented, saying,

"Fine, you too can stay, but your sleeping down here." Altair nodded in thanks, and Ezio graciously, and verbally, thanked her.

"Thank you very much madam," He said, smiling. "We won't be any trouble."

"You better not be." Muttered Jean.

The four of them, or more the three of them, set about cleaning up the house while Altair explored the ranch lands. He headed out after helping with the largest pieces of furniture that had been knocked over, but had left as soon as the others entered the kitchen. It was in there that Jean had to pause in the door way and groan loudly, while Justin hide a chuckle. Ezio just blinked.

"Wow," he said finally, stepping into the room. "Doesn't look half this bad when you're making the mess." Jean glared at him. All over the kitchen floor was open packets of food and broken dishes. Peanut butter was splattered over the counter tops, water stained the walls, and the window over the sink was shattered.

"How in the hell did you do this in twenty minutes?" Jean nearly shrieked, burying her hands in her hair.

"Uh, we were sort of confused by the way things were stored..." Ezio mumbled, cursing Altair for leaving him to deal with this. "Altair did most of it!" he said desperately, trying to save face, but Jean just muttered to herself and marched over to the trashed pantry. Flinging the doors open, she pulled out a broom and dust pan. She tossed both to Ezio, who scrambled to catch them.

An hour later, Altair reentered the house to find the others still working in the kitchen. Jean was scolding Ezio for something, and Justin was running water in the sink, scrubbing clean the few dishes that had survived the 'food fight' the assassins had had earlier. He was about to step into the room, when he heard a tinkling noise behind him. His senses on alert, Altair crouched and whirled about, immediately on the prowl and stalking his new found prey.

"Ezio, you sweep with the broom, not whack with it!' Sighed Jean exasperatedly. Ezio looked up, confused, but before he could say anything, Altair walked in, holding up a cat by its belled collar. The tabby cat was growling and glaring up at its captor.

"What is this?" Asked Altair curiously, prodding the grouchy animal with a finger. The cat hissed. Jean opened her mouth to say something, but Ezio interrupted, reaching forward.

"It's a cat dummy!" He chuckled, extending a hand to pat the cats head. Altair glared at him for the insult, but didn't say anything, instead he shook the cat by its collar, bringing for another bout of hissing and growling.

"What does it do?" He asked. "Does it give milk, or food, or anything?"

"It kills mice." Ezio offered, but Justin shook his head.

"Sharps hasn't caught a mouse a day in his life!" He said. "He's more of a nuisance."

"Why do you call him Shar- Yeow!" Ezio exclaimed, withdrawing his hand sharply and staring at the four thin lines that had ripped through his glove and were now bleeding. "What kind of cat is that?" He said indignantly. Altair laughed.

"Obviously my kind of cat!" He smirked, turning the cat to look at it while still holding it at arms length. "One who doesn't like Italians. Hey, get off!" He shouted the last bit, as the aptly named Sharps lunged forward, grabbing Altair's arm and clawing at him, still hissing and spitting. Altair attempted to drop the feline, but instead it moved from his arm to his chest, screeching and clawing at his face chest and arms. Altair struggled with the fury menace as Ezio rolled on the counter top laughing. Justin had abandoned his dish washing to watch the spectacle as well and Jean was hiding a smile behind a hand.

"Demon!" Raged Altair, attempting to pull the cat off him by the tail. "Fiend, Servant of hell, get off me!" Sharps only yowled in reply. Altair yanked the cat free of his clothes, holding it out and away from him and panting. He stood in silence for a moment, glaring at the malevolent beast before him.

"You, are going to pay for that!" Snarled Altair. He prepared to draw a knife and kill the defiant animal, when Jean gasped and said,

"Don't!" Altair looked at her in surprise. "Don't kill Sharps, he's my cat!"

"He's a demonic beast!" Altair said, incredulous at Jean's attempt to defend the cat.

"He's MY demonic beast!" Snapped Jean, pulling Sharps from Altair's grasp and holding him to her chest. She stroked the cat's ruffled fur and walked by Altair, heading back into the living room. Altair glared at the narrowed yellow eyes staring at him from over Jean's shoulder.

"I will get you!" He hissed softly. As if dismissing the threat, Sharps blinked, then began to groom himself.

"Hahaha! A cat, you and a cat! Hahah!" Howled Ezio, still laughing.

"Shut up Ezio." Snarled Altair.

"You, you got into a fight with a poor tiny cat, hahah!"

"I said shut up Ezio!"

"And you, and you lost! Bwahaha! Hey!" Cried Ezio angrily, as there was a splash of water, for Altair had scooped up a bowl full of water and flung it at his descendent.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Sorry everyone for the long delay, i've been in the hospital for awhile and its taken me awhile to get back into the cycle of things. ANyway, thankyou all for your reviews and comments, i love to see that so many people are enjoying my scribbles. Well, i'll stop boring all of you and let you get back to reading the latest adventure of Altair and Ezio in their new home! Thankyou for reading!**

The rest of the day was spent cleaning. The picking up was mostly done by Jean and Justin, since Ezio was distracted by almost every shiny or noisy thing he encountered, while Altair sulked and cursed the cat. When they were done, it was well past 11 pm.

"What's for dinner mom?" Yawned Justin, Flopping down onto the couch as he spoke.

"I have no idea." Sighed Jean, running a hand threw her hair. "Someone broke the fridge, so what I had in there has gone bad." Saying this, she glared at Altair, who was leaning against the wall. He pulled his hood lower over his face as she glared.

"can we order pizza?"

"Sure, but use the phone in the other room. The one that was in here has a hole in it."

"It taunted me." muttered Ezio, crossing his arms and looking away. Jean rolled her eyes and Justin snorted as he walked out of the living room. The two assassins sat in silence, both with their hoods pulled low and arms crossed. Shifting uncomfortably, Jean looked between the two tall men, and then sat down on the couch across from the one Ezio was slouching in. Reaching forward, she picked up a remote and prepared to turn on the TV. Just before she pressed the power button, she stopped, releasing what could have been a fatal mistake, turning on something loud, colorful, and moving, in the presence of two highly strung assassins.

"Uh, Im going to turn the TV on." She said. Ezio looked up, his face still shadowed by his cowl.

"What's a TV?" He asked, curiously. Altair came over and stood behind him, tilting his head as Jean attempted to explain it.

"It's a, it's like a recording, a visual recording of stuff..." jean said, furrowing her brow as she thought how to explain it to the two before her. She could tell by their blank faces that she wasn't doing a good job of it. Giving up, she sighed and said,

"Just, don't freak out, ok?"

"Freak out?" asked the two in unison, looking at her with matching expressions of confusion. Jean blinked, They must be related, they looked so alike...

"You know, start yelling or screaming," she said, beginning to get frustrated with the two.

"Oh, panicking!" said Altair triumphantly. Then he nudged Ezio, saying, "Like when you kill someone in front of a ton of people, they start panicking."

"Ooh," Ezio said, understanding dawning. Jean was a little unnerved however by how calmly Altair mentioned killing, as if he had done it before. Then again, she should have seen that one coming. She had seen the man wield multiple knives; it was only common sense that he could use them on things other then kitchen appliances.

"Ok, we won't panic." The Italian said with a smile. A few minutes later, Ezio had rushed up stairs and locked himself in the bathroom, while Altair stood stock still, his eyes wide and staring at the flashing screen before him.

"So much noise, so much noise!" Ezio moaned through clenched teeth, covering his ears and rocking back and forth on the floor. "What is wrong with this world? What did I do to deserve this! ah, oh God!"

Altair soon came up the stairs after him, but he ignored the Italian's shouts, instead heading for the dark room he had found earlier. He raced into it and slammed the door shut, slipping behind the stacks of boxes and concealing himself, hiding from the strange lights, sights, and sounds that now haunted the floor below.

"Should we go get them?" Asked Justin as his mom sighed and turned off the TV.

"I don think so." Jean said, getting up and stretching. "Even if we got them back down here, they would still need to adjust to everything, and when the pizza man comes, it would probably be best for him not to see them, for his own safety."

Twenty minutes later, the pizza man arrived. He drove up the gravel drive way, and looked up at the neat little house that had ordered the pizza.

"what the hell?" he muttered, staring out at where two men robed in white were clambering out a window and gracefully scaling the house walls, pearching on the roof top.

"Hey there!" The pizza delivery man's eyes were drawn to where a boy was rushing out of the house, a twenty clutched in his hands. "hey, uh, can you give me the pizza please?"

"Uh, sure." Stumbled the man, handing over the pizza and accepting the twenty. He reached for change, but the boy just shook his head, glancing hurriedly up to where the two men were staring down at them with a hawk like air.

"Just keep the change!" Shouted the boy as he raced back to the house, holding the pizza. "Get down you idiots!" He then called up at the two.

"What did you call me?" Roared one of them, getting to his full height and looking as if he was about to leap down and tackle the boy.

"Hey, hey!" The pizza man said, noticing a glint at the wrist of the standing man. But the other rose to his feet and tackled the first, both of them disappearing over the roof edge. The boy had now disappeared into the house, and a bewildered and alarmed pizza man hurriedly drove off.

"What did you call me you midget?" Hissed Altair, storming in through the back door. He made a beeline for Justin, who raced to duck down behind the couch. But the Assassin was faster, and was on the boy like a cat on a mouse. Hauling him up by the hood of his jacket, Altair brought him to eye level so that the boy's feet were barely brushing the ground. Justin swallowed nervously as he stared wide-eyed back into the narrowed eyes of the Arabian.

"Altair, comrade, let him go!" Ezio protested, attempting to pull Altair's hands away from the terrified boy.

"Mom!" Screamed Justin as Altair growled. The Arabian finally let him go.

"Apologize insolent boy!" Snarled Altair, looking as if he would leap at Justin again if Ezio hadn't been holding him back. Justin stammered out an apology then stumbled into the kitchen, leaving the pizza box behind.

"Altair, why must you be so aggressive?" Sighed Ezio, strolling over to where the pizza box sat and opening it curiously. "These people have been kind enough to keep us here, but I feel they might soon throw us out due to your rudeness."

"Better to be rude then to be careless." Snorted Altair, crossing his arms and looking away from his Italian companion. "The boy insulted me, I taught him a lesson. Do you say you would not do the same?"

"Well," Began Ezio, pulling out a piece of pizza and sniffing it experimentally. "I guess I would have, but perhaps in a less terrifying way. Ew, oh Dio, what is this?"


	8. Chapter 8

Altair rolled over on the couch, groaning as his head pounded.

"Why..." he mumbled. Ezio chuckled and nudged his ancestor.  
>"Couldn't back down from a challenge, could you know?" he smirked. In way of answer, Altair sat up sharply and punched Ezio in the gut. Ezio hunched over, and Altair let out another groan, and fell back on the coach, clutching his head.<p>

Last Night:

It had been a week since Altair and Ezio had appeared in Jean's living room. In that time, they had begun to adjust to the ways of 'this sorcery filled world'. The night before, Jean had decided to allow them to come with her to a bar she had been asked to. It was her friends birthday, and she had been allowed to bring allow two others. Justin was at a friends, and Ezio and Altair were bored. Jean caved.

On the way to the bar, the two Assassins complained loudly about their clothing. Ezio was wearing a pair of old jeans with tennis shoes and a white long sleeved t-shirt. He was constantly pulling at the color and the sleeves, and was always adjusting his belt. Altair had ridden hunched over, wearing a grey hoodie and old worn jeans with the knees fraying.

Once through the door of the bar, Ezio had begun grinning.

"Who knew there could be so many lovely ladies in one room!" he exclaimed, his eyes flickering from one women to the next. Loud music was blaring and the lights were low. The room was packed from wall to wall with dancing bodies, even by the bar table. Altair let out another grumble as his grey eyes scanned the crowd, and then he watched with disdain as Ezio moved off to join a group of three women, all wearing black party dresses with high heels, and all cooing over the young strapping man who sauntered over to them with a dazzling grin.

Jean laughed, and then waved to her friend by the bar. She looked over to see Altair leaning against the wall of the bar by the door and glaring at anyone who came near him. Then she left him, hoping that his common sense would keep him from leaving, or doing anything stupid. She was wrong.

About an hour later, Ezio came over to Jean, grinning broadly and holding a plastic cup in one hand.

"Hey!" he said. Jean turned from her group of laughing friends, and said,

"Hey! What are you drinking?"

"Im not really sure." Ezio shrugged, peering at the liquid in his glass. "But Im liking it!" he downed the last of his glass then slammed the cup down on the bar. "Have you seen Altair?"

"He's by the door."

"Uh, I don't know if it's this amazing drink those girls gave me, but Im not seeing a grouchy hunched over nonscoilizing fiend over by the door."

Jean looked, and blinked. He was gone. Just then, a chorus of shouts came from the other side of the room. Ezio looked over the crowed of people and said,

"Im going to look over there for him, let me know if you see him." he said,

"Ok, but we'll be leaving soon." Jean called after the retreating figure of the Italian, and then she was pulled away by her friend Cassie.

Ezio pushed his way through the crowd of cheering people, rolling his eyes at the shouts of 'Jug! Jug! Jug!'. He found Altair lounging in a chair slamming a shot glass down onto the table top and roaring at the people around him.

"Yeah!" he shouted, then glared at the slouching man sitting across from him, who struggled to get a grip on his next glass. Before he could lift it to his lips, Altair bumped the table with his knee, causing his opponent to jerk back, and drop his glass.

"Whoops!" chuckled Altair, leaning is head back. Ezio blinked. Never once had he ever heard a sound related to humor and happiness coming from the solemn and series Assassin.

"Uh, Altair, we should go!" Ezio cautioned.  
>"Ezio!" cried Altair, getting to his feet slightly unsteadily, and clapping Ezio on the shoulder. "My dear friend Ezio! Come and meet a new friend of mine!" he nudged the passed out drunk who was now lying on the floor, slipping from his chair and lying in the remains of his drink.<p>

"His name is, well, Im not sure, but he taught me a new game!" Altair grinned.

"Yeah, we need to go." said Ezio, unnerved by how friendly Altair was being, was now steering his drunken companion away from the cooing girls, drunken men, and the liquor bottle sitting neatly on the tabletop, alongside several overturned empty glasses.

"How many did you have?" He hissed as he navigated out of the crowd and turned to where Jean still sat.

"I don't know." Muttered Altair, his words slurred now. "Twenty, thirty, it's hard to count. Tell your twin to go away." Ezio stared at Altair for a second, then caught Jean's eye.

Ten minutes later, they were in the car, driving back to the house. Altair was sprawled out in the back, having soon passed out when reaching the car and causing his descendent to have to throw him into the car. Occasionally he would begin to snore loudly, and every time, Ezio covered his ears, gritting his teeth against the sound of the grating noise.

Upon returning to the house, Ezio unceremoniously dumped Altair on the coach and flopped down beside him. He sat there for a moment, then looked at the knocked out Arabian.

"You can't hear me right now, can you." he said, grinning. Carefully, he reached forward, and poked Altair in the side. No reaction. Chuckling to himself, Ezio poked him again.

"Ha-ha, you should get drunk more often!" he smirked. "My armor is better then yours!" Bragged the Italian. "People like me better then you, your a mass murder and people like me and help me!" Still no reaction. Still laughing to himself, Ezio continued. "I get more action then you do! Women like me! Im richer then you! I am a better fight-" he was cut off as a fist shot out and slammed into his jaw.

"Gahh! What the hell?" Whined Ezio.

Altair just smirked. Then he groaned, and fell back into senselessness. Ezio, muttering to himself slouched out of the room and into the kitchen, where he found ice to put against his jaw.

"Stupid Arabian." He muttered.

* * *

><p>The next day, as you can probably imagine, Altair had a royal head ache. The results of it were much swearing. Lots of things breaking, Ezio receiving several new bruises to join his jaw, and a decrease in water bottles.<p>

"Why do you have to be so annoying?" Altair roared at Ezio after the Italian took away one of the water bottles to chug it, before throwing it away. The two were still in their new clothes from the night before, but Altair had torn off his hoodie and was wearing a black shirt with short sleeves. EH stood, a crushed water bottle in one hand, and a full one in the other. Ezio stood with a look of alarm on his face.

Jean walked in. "What are you doing!" She shouted. "Can you not be as loud as a herd of elephants?"

"Ezio stole my water!" Altair said, pointing and swaying slightly.

"I did not, he hadn't even opened it yet!" Protested Ezio.

"I had to, I had it set on the table!"

"You weren't drinking it!"

"I drank out of it!"

"Aw yuck! Im infected with Altairinessim!" Ezio spat into the sink repeatedly while Altair smirked. He swayed again and nearly knocked Jane over.

She caught the hung over Assassin and nearly dropped him again.

"O my god, you guys are what smell so bad!" She exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Asked Ezio, lifting an arm and sniffing. "I don't smell anything..."

"Okay, that's it, you two are going in the shower." Jane said, ignoring the look of confusion on Ezio's face and the mutterings of Altair. "Bring him up stairs." Jane shoved Altair at Ezio, who caught him.

**A/N: Oh no! Altair's hung over and Ezio smells bad! Time to introduce Altair's worst nightmare, the shower!**


	9. Chapter 9

"Allah save me!" Screeched Altair as he was shoved into the closed box by a laughing Ezio. The Arabian cried out as hot water struck his skin, burning him. He jumped back in alarm and crashed into the slippery white walls. He fell to the ground, clutching his knees to his chest as the water continued to pour over him. Ezio opened the box door to grin at Altair and through some strange white bar at him.

"Jean says to rub yourself with this and then rinse yourself in the water." Smirked the Italian. Growling, Altair got to his feet, grabbed the shower head and turned it, spraying Ezio in the face with the hot water.

"Rinse this!" he roared, then flinging the bar at the Italian as well.

* * *

><p>Jean laughed uncontrollably from the hallway as she heard shouts and cries from the locked bathroom. As far as she could tell, Altair had attacked Ezio and thrown him in the shower.<p>

"Really?" Shrieked Ezio. "Are you serious?"

"Does it look like Im joking?" Roared Altair. Then there came the familiar crank of the shower handle, and another shriek from Ezio,

"Its freezing! O dio what devilry is this!"

"Its called cold water!" Called Jane between fits of laughter.

"O really?" Came the Italian's sarcastic reply. "I hadn't noticed. What's this do?"

* * *

><p>Ezio, fully clothed and dripping wet, reached down and pressed a knob in the wall of the shower. Immediately the nozzle stopped, and water began pouring out of a second lower one, filling the tub he stood in.<p>

"Hey Altair look, its like a pond!" Ezio said, staring at the strange contraption. Altair, holding a towel around his waist, came over to look at it, and he cautiously stuck a finger through the mini water fall.

"Its so strange!" He muttered, reaching up to the handle and fiddling with it. The two assassins were awed by the handle's ability to change how much water came out, and what temperature it came out at.

"This is amazing!" Ezio exclaimed as the water level in the tub rose and rose until it was spilling over the edge. Altair edged away from it, saying,

"Eh, Ezio, maybe you should turn it off..." The water raced across the floor to his feet, lapping at his toes.

But Ezio didn't seem to hear him, he was to busy splashing the clear water around, marveling at its cleanness.

"Its so clear!" He exclaimed in fascination. "Altair, look at it!"

"I can see it Ezio, turn it off now."

"Why is it like this?"

"I don't know and frankly, I don't care. Turn it off."

* * *

><p>Jean pounded on the door. "Guys, you should probably stop the water now." All she heard were the muffled words of Ezio, and the slightly nervous short replies from Altair. "Guys, can you hear me? Guys! Open the door!"<p>

* * *

><p>"Stop the water Ezio!" Shrieked Altair, it was rising around his ankles now. Ezio smirked, and stood up into the tub, still fully clothed and hands on his hips.<p>

"Make me!"

"Oh, ill make you!" Snarled Altair and he took a step forward when Ezio turned the water on even higher. The banging on the door became more frantic. "Ezio, if you don't stop, Im going to let Jean in, I swear I will!" Ezio froze a look of worry on his face. Altair saw it, and tore the door open.

* * *

><p>Jean staggered in, immediately soaking her socks and the hallway carpet. "What the hell?" She cried out, shoving past Altair and shutting off the water, pulling the plug and whirling on the two Assassins, Ezio hadn't gotten out of the tub and was standing next to Altair, who had grabbed a second towel.<p>

"How are you two supposed to be professional killers, if you don't even know how to use a bathroom?" She demanded angrily. Ezio pointed to Altair.

"It's his fault!"

"What? How do you even come to that conclusion?" Demanded the Arabian angrily.

"Jean, do you really think I would do such a stupid thing?" Asked Ezio, putting on his best innocent face.

"Honestly, yeah!" Jean said angrily. "Go get dressed Altair, before you drop a towel."

Altair snorted and walked dignified out of the room, holding four towels to him as he did so.

(At least an hour or two later)

"Ezio Im going to kill you!" Altair, dressed in his Assassin robes once more, was now fully recovered from his drinking, and promptly chasing Ezio around the house with a knife. Ezio was running full tilt, ignoring the shattering glass around him as he leapt through a window. The cuts hurt, but he would rather face the glass, then the angry Arabian directly behind him.

Altair dove after him, landing on his feet outside. He looked around to see Ezio fleeing by climbing up the roof.

"Do you think that will save you from me Auditore!" He shouted, sheathing the knife and backing up a few steps. When he had a good distance, he sprinted to the wall, vaulting up it and clambering up the house with remarkable speed, ignoring a shot from Jean as he tore off the gutters by accident. Getting to the top, he turned and raced to where Ezio would appear, but the Italian got up before him

"Calm down!" Gasped Ezio as Altair leapt at him, but he was knocked off his feet and pinned to the roof top with Altair's boot in his face.

"Take it back!" Snarled Altair.

"Take what back!" Ezio said, grabbing his ancestor's leg and twisting it, rolling out from under him and dropping from the roof. Altair snarled and ran to leap ff after him, just as Jean's boyfriend drove up.

Altair saw the car pulling up under him to late. He shouted as he fell, landing on the roof and denting it. Robert, for that was the boyfriend's name, shouted in alarm, but opened the door only to find Jean rushing to him, and a man robed in white leaping over him and her, racing back into the house, and yelling at the top of his longs, "I swear by Allah, I will make you pay Auditore!"

Jean came up to Robert with a flustered look, her hair coming undone, and her jeans soaked to the knees.

"Hey!" She said breathlessly. "Sorry about that."


	10. Chapter 10

"Jean, what the hell is going on?" Hissed Robert. He and Jean had retreated into his car since the fight between the assassins now ran through out the house. They could here shouts and a t one point, a splash of water, followed by a shriek that could only have been from Altair.

"Nothing, really," Jean said breathlessly, brushing stray hair from her face. "Those two are just staying here for awhile"

"Awhile? Staying? who are they?"

"Just, just two guys," Jean said, not sure of how to explain what had happened. "They just showed up in my living room a few days ago and they needed a place to stay so..."

"They've destroyed the place!"

"Not entirely, and they always fix it up afterwards,"

"They shouldnt be doing it in the first place. And was that crazy guy wearing a knife or something?"

"Altair you mean? Yeah, its actual sort of interesting." Jean said, glancing up when she heard Justin shouting as well now, but his shouts turned to laughing as a soaking wet Altair flew past one of the windows in pursuit of the fleeing Italian. "Its this knife thats strapped to his under arm and when he,"

"Jean, they cant stay here." Robert said firmly.

"What do you mean?"

"Im not having you living in a house with two other guys is what i mean." Jean opened her mouth to deilver a sharp retort, when there was the sound of scattering gravel, a slam into the side of the car, the door being yanked open, and Ezio jumping inside.

"Hi!" He said breathlessly, slamming the door behind him. "Hey, dont mind me, im just hiding from the very !" His words all seemed to be connected in a rush as he screeched at them. Jean lunged across Robert to hit the lock button, seeing Altair, still soaking, sprinting towards them. He rammed into the car, slamming his wrist blade through the glass.

"Hey man, this is a new car!" Robert shouted as Altair tore the broken glass form the window. Altair ignored him, reaching for Ezio who was scrambling to get away from the grasping hand.

"Altair, Ezio!" Barked Jean, The two froze. "Not in the car!"

"If i get out he'll kill me!" Protested Ezio loudly as Altair glared daggers at him.

"And if you stay in the car, i will find a way in." Spat the Arabian.

"Altair, what did Ezio do?" Jean said, trying to calm them down.

"He called me a name!" Snapped Altair. "He called me a psychotic manacle or something,"

"You dont even remember?" Jean raised an eyebrow,

"Psychotic manacle? Psychotic MANIAC!" Ezio said angrily. "You cant even remember the names i give you? Im hurt Altair."

"Oh, ill hurt you."

"Knock it off! Altair, is that all Ezio did?"

"He dumped water on me and sprayed me with the green snake."

"Green snake?"

"The one in the bank, excellent Altair repellent if I may say." Ezio piped up. Jean glared at him.

"Sorry," He squeaked.

"Now this is what we'll do. Altair? No slashing and stabbing Ezio, Ezio, now spraying Altair or calling him names. Got it?"

"What if its in self defense?" The two said at the same time.

"No," Jean said firmly. "Ezio, as your punishment, go and clean up the messes you made."

"What?" Groaned Ezio. Altair smirked at him, leaning on his elbows now in the empty window.

"No questions. Altair? You are cleaning up the broken glass." Altair rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He muttered, standing back from the car. Ezio got out the other end of the car, watching Altair wairly as he moved about the car to get to the house. At one point, Altiar made a quick step towards Ezio, looking as if he was about to jump at him and flicking out his wrist blade. Ezio flinched, scowled, then stormed away.


	11. Chapter 11

"What is that doing there?"

"Its an energy shield, grab it before the grunts get you!"

"grunts? You mean those spiky things?"

"Yeah, hurry up already!"

"Ah! Its shooting purple stuff at me! Whys it doing that?"

"Its an Elite, its what its supposed to do."  
>"Whatever, im done with this." Altair threw his hands up in despair, dropping the xbox controller and getting to his feet as he was killed again.<p>

"Aw come on Altair!" Complained Justin. He paused the game and scrambled to his feet as Altair stretched like a cat. "Please just one more round? I promise the Fire Fights get easier if we change the difficulty."

"Get Ezio to." Altair said shortly, turning away from the paused video game and walking into the kitchen. But Justin followed him.

"Ezio wont, he says it annoys him."

"Are you sure it was the game that annoyed him?" Altair muttered this under his breath as he began sifting through the cabinets in the kitchen.

It had been about a month and a half now since the two assassins had appeared in the living room of Jane. In that time they had both grown a bit more accostumed to modern life. Of course there will still things that would trigger their rampage gene, but those happened less and less now, unless caused by a disagreement. Recently, Jane had started leaving the Assassins at home alone, with Justin to supervise them of course. It was often that jane felt like she was raising kids again, only wild crazy kids with knives who spoke different languages.

Currently, Jane was out of town for a few days, a work convention. She had been gone for a day now, and wouldn't be coming back till the end of the week, five days to go. Justin had at first thought things were going smoothly, and right now this low level bickering with Altair was a sign of how calm things were. Oh how that would change….

"it said I wasn't legendary." Ezio said, jumping down the stairs and coming to a stop behind Altair, hugging him around the neck with one arm. "Morning fratello." He said, grinning when Altair shoved hima way. Ezio had recently taken to calling Altair brother in Italian, and showing affection that he thought was sutiable for brothers to do. Altair did not agree with this, and he had no problem showing this.

"Of course your not legendary." Snorted Altair, turning away when he had found what he was looking for, a jar of peanut butter. "your you. And You is not very Legendary." He chuckled at his own joke as he began to eat the peanut butter, straight from the jar, which drove jane crazy. He looked up when no one else laughed.

"What?" he demanded sharply. Justin started a fake laugh, not wanting to anger the Arabian who still made him nervous, while Ezio just shook his head, a sad look on his face.

"Dios mios." He sighed. "I am afraid this modern world has rotted the wit you once possessed."

Altair raised an eyebrow, a dangerous expression. "Oh really?" He said, putting down the jar.

"Aye." Ezio said, nodding somberly. "I think your brain has become very much like one of the plastic balls Sharps, the infernal cat from hell plays with."

Altair growled.

"Uh, ok, how about we do something other then make fun of each other, huh?" Justin said, coming between the two as Altair stood up sharply. "Um, have you guys ever played hide n seek?" Later, justin would wonder why o why that was the game that came to mind. Five minutes later, he was crammed in a closet, listening to the running of footsteps as Ezio dashed about, looking for a hiding place. Above that, he could hear Altair counting in Arabic.

"Right, im hunting you know!" Came the shout at the end of the numbers.

"That's not what your supposed to say!" Ezio's voice faintly came out.

"I am not saying what he told me to say." Altair said firmly. But his voice seemed more distant, like he was moving.

"Why not? Its funny."

"not happeneing Auditore."

"Please?"

"Forget it."

"you're a bad player." Their words grew fainter and fainter, until Justin couldn't hear them at all. This, is what was happening while Justin was cowering in a laundry closet.

Altair was perched on the eves of the house, hawk like, and looking straight down, He was waiting for the bait to return. It wasn't long before he heard Ezio come running through the house, purpesfully making his footsteps loud and shouting as he ran, then streaking out the door. Once outside he skidded to a stop and turned to look up at Altiar, who then shouted,

"Got you! Hows that for legendary?" Ezio rolled his eyes, then ducked under cover as the sounds of Justin coming to see what was happening. As soon as the boy peeked his head out of the door way, Altair leaned forward slowly. He waited until Justin was all the way outside, then pounced.

Justin yelped as Altair landed squarely on him, knocing him to the ground and pinning his arms behind his back, his knee behind his shoulders and trapping him against the ground.

"hey!" Justin said angrily as he struggled. "That's not how your supposed to play the game!"

"That's how we play it." Ezio crowed, standing up as Altair hauled Justin to his feet. "Looks like we have a hostage now." Altair smirked.

"Aye, that we do."

(Sorry for the short chapter readers, and that it isnt to great, under pressure at the moment, but i hope you enjoy, and I apologize for the delay in updates, Thanks for following the story!

-JustAnother)


	12. Chapter 12

"Let me out!" Justin hammered his fists against the door, trying to make himself herd over the blasting music and the sounds of crashing. He had been locked in for a few hours now, food and a liter of soda having been tossed at him through a window a short while back, but that was all. He was partially afraid to go outside and see the damage the Assassins had done to his home, but he had to eventually. He was distracted when he heard a series of loud thumps up the stairs, a yelp, and then a crash before the door. Instinctually, he jumped back from the door as Ezio flew into the room, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it. His eyes were wild and there were food and drink stains on his clothes as he held a finger to his lips, signaling for silence. Then suddenly the music stopped, and the house was dead silent.

Justin could hear his heart pounding in his ears, then Ezio's as the Italian covered the distance between them, clamping a hand over his mouth and dragging him away from the door. However, Ezio froze midstep when he heard Altair's voice; coming from it seemed right down the hall. How did he move so damn quietly?!

"Come out come out wherever you are!" Called the Assassin. Ezio smothered a laugh as he buried his face in a pillow, having let go of Justin. Suddenly there was a tug at the door and he bolted to his feet. "You're as loud as a blind bear!" Shouted Altair. Ezio threw the pillar at the door, laughing.

"Come out come out wherever you are?" He called, mimicking Altair's voice. "Where did you learn that?"

"Its how you play the damn game, you said I should say it!" Altair called back angrily, tugging at the door.

"I didn't know you actually were going to! Hahaha, it sounds hilarious coming from you!" Ezio said, getting to his feet as he taunted the other. Altair growled, making the hair rise on the back of Justin's neck as he backed up. Then there was a crash, the door went down, and there was an angry, fuming, beer stained, crazy eyed, Altair standing in the door way. He stomped over to Ezio who was making a dash for the window, catching him by the scruff. He hauled him back to his feet and looked as if he was about to shout Ezio's name, when they all froze. The phone was ringing.

A panicky look came into Ezio's eyes and Altair covered his mouth, growling,

"Don't even think about screaming at the phone." He hissed, and then dropped Ezio. He turned to leave, and found Justin was already out the door and down the stairs, snatching up the phone.

"Hello? Hello? David!" Justin said into the phone, looking up to see Altair peering down the stairs at him. Man he gave him the creeps sometimes... "No, no I'm home alone. Why? What?" Justin looked at the phone in alarm, turning around to see Ezio standing behind him. The Italian winked, and took the phone. He cleared his throat, and then said.

"Hello? This is Justin's uncle, uncle Ezio. David? Good name. What can I help you with?"

"Uncle Ezio?" Mouthed Altair, scowling as he came forward. His hair. Which had grown longer since his appearance in the living room, stood up at strange angles and gave him the appearance he had just woken up. His expression added to this.

"I see, well I'm sure Justin's mother won't mind if you come over. No, I can't drive. I don't know how. What? Yes I'm an adult," Frowned Ezio, looking at the phone. "Stop being nosey." Then he hung up. "Your friend wants help with summer homework. He's coming over." Ezio said shortly, throwing the phone at Altair who had been yawning and stretching. Altair scowled.

"What? David's coming over?" Justin said in alarm. "No no no, he can't see you guys! He'll think your terrorists or something!'

"I'm Uncle Ezio, I'm not a terrorist!" ezio said in indignation.

"And I suppose I'm Uncle Altair." Altair shrugged. "Although, if terrorists are all I remember then to be, I don't think I'd mind being one."

"They're pretty different from Arabian ones." Justin said sourly. "Just, don't freak him out guys, okay?"

"Cross my heart." Ezio chuckled.

"And my fingers." Altair added, holding up his crossed fingers. OOOh this would be fun.


	13. Chapter 13

**well, i knew it was gonna happen. First bad review! Woot! I am sorry to disappoint those who thought this story was a series one, it is meant purely as a source of entertainmet and humor. If you want to read one about real time travel, sorry it aint in here. I would advise you to look under the adventure tab for those. Thanks to all the devoted readers who continually post good reviews! I am trying to update as much as i can with my new psychotic schedule, but i promise i still have much in store for this little story:) your devoted writer, **

**-JustAnother**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for the delay all! Life has been hectic, and nanwrimo is piling up on me. Thank you for your continued support and reviews! im glad to here people are still getting a kick out of this story:) enjoy!**

**-JustAnother**

David had just barely survived walking through the front door, having been immediately set upon by Ezio, who had found the stash of soda lept in the house. Justin had had to drag him away from teat encounter, only to bump into stoic uncle Altair who stood arms folded in the middle of the hall way.

"No noise, no screaming, no yelling, no laughing, no running, no throwing, no annoying." he had said shortly before whirling about on his heel and stalking away from them, the only sound being a giggling Ezio behind them.

"Ha, thats funny because, hahah, thats all we every do!" He laughed, not hearing Altair's growl.

"Come on David, lets go upstairs." Justin said quickly, pulling the alarmed David after him as he raced up the stairs. Justin dived into his room and slammed the door shut.

"I thought your Uncle's said no-" Began David as he unslung his back pack.

"They dont know half of what they say, and neither do I" Muttered Justin.

* * *

><p>"Your a creepy Uncle."<p>

"And your an annoying pain in the ass."

"Oh ouch..that was uncalled for."

"Oh really?"

"Well if it wasnt really i wouldnt have said so would i?"

"Do you even think before you open your mouth?"

"Depends on what i intend to do with my mouth."

"Your disgusting."

"So im a disgusting pain in the ass?"

"Yes, exactly." Altair snapped, shoving Ezio away from him as he continued questing for food. He was always hungry, and for some reason this place seemed to abound with food. most of it was to salty for his liking, or flat out disgusting, but there were still some things he liked they had here. He turned around when he found a bushel of apples, biting into one and leaning against a cabinet.

Ezio rolled his eyes at him, sticking his tongue out as Altair devoured the apple enthusiastically.

"What, you want some?" Altair said, seeing Ezio roll his eyes and straightening up, holding up the apple core.

"hah, not after you've slobered all over it!" Ezio snorted, arms folded as he turned his nose up at the apple core underneath it. "Hey!" he ducked as a full apple was thrown forcibly at his head. it bounced off and rolled to his feet. Rubbing his now soar head, Ezio glared at the other Assassin as Altair leaned back with a fresh apple, smirking.

"Pick it up." Ezio said, nodding to the apple.

"Excuse me?" Altair said in an almost bored voice, taking a bite out of his apple

"I said, pick it up."

"And I said excuse me."

"I dont care what you said, pick up the goddamn apple!"

"You've been listening to Justin to much, your starting to swear like him." Shrugged Altair, walking out of the room. As he passed Ezio, the Italian stuck out a foot, tripping him up. The crash that followed was, alarming to say. For not only was Ezio working against Altair here, so was Sharps.

The cat pounced on the downed Assassin at the first chance, hissing and yowling as it clawed at him for having 'stepped' on his tail. Ezio could do very little more then laugh as Altair struggled to his feet, wrenching the cat off him. He held the beast at arms length as it growled at him, his face red with claw marks on one side of it. It seemed as if Altair was about to launch into a blistering rant against both offenders, Ezio and Sharps, when the door bell rang.

"Hold this." Altair threw the cat at Ezio, who barely managed to catch it. As Altair stalked out of the room, he could here hissing and a yelp from hte room he had left. A smirk tugged at his lips, but that was all, as he reached the door and yanked it open.

A timid looking woman stood in the doorway, a good deal shorter then Altair. She was bundled up in a large coat with her purse on one arm, and there was a thick layer of makeup on her face. Her hair, short and curly, was done up, and her eyes were wide as she took in the disgruntled figure of Altair.

"What do you want." He demanded harshly, standing in the door way.

"Im, Im David's mother." The woman said. Altair just stared, making no move to step aside to let her in.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" The Assassin said shortly. the woman blinked.

"I should think so, I've come to get my son. He called me a short while ago and said he was worried about Justin."

"And?"

"And, I just came to make sure everything was alright,"

"Of course it is, why wouldnt it be?" Altair flashed back. His retorts were quick and cold, him spitting them out before the poor woman barely finished her sentences.

"If you dont mind, could you tell me your name?" the woman asked. "I dont think Jane told me about you, I thought she was seeing Robert still,"

"I could tell you my name, but im not going to. And of course Jane has seen me, everyone sees everyone." Snapped Altair. the woman blinked, taking a step back before lifting her chin, or many chins as was the case, and saying,

"I dont think I appreciate that tone of voice. Please let me in."

"No, why should I?" Altair shrugged. "It is not your house."

"My son is in there,"

"I know."

"And I would like to see him please."

"I cant stop you from seeing him."

"Oh good, please step aside."

"You just cant see him in this house." Altair was enjoying himself now. He had had a lot of pent up annoyance and frustration being carried around lately, and tormenting Ezio had only gotten him so far. No, this was fun to watch the little woman boil. At least, it was for about an hour, before the cops showed up in response to a call of a kidnapping.


End file.
